Sunday, April 21, 2013

The Good and The Bad

This week has been tough on me. I am obviously suffering anxiety/panic attacks. I found this out when my husband had to rush me to the ER. I am on meds temporarily. It really sucks because I know that is has to be brought on from everything going on. I keep telling myself that I am going to be okay but I don't know. How many times am I going to keep having a breakdown? I dream of the first time I seen my daughter and the last time I seen her. I just want her back into my arms. Back in my womb until she is able to breathe on her own. THEN snuggling mommy and daddy.
When Aubrey came out, her daddy seen her little arm which looked like it was reaching out. It was so sweet. Then when she came out and she was so itty bitty, it was just amazing! We looked past her birth defect. All that we seen was our PERFECT daughter. Our amazing and beautiful daughter that we took nearly two years to conceive! I just want her back with me. NOW. I wear her ashes around my neck and I have her spirit with me but it is not the same. =( I thought I would be okay but I am not. 
I feel like I am losing my mind. I can't function. I can't sleep and it is hard enough trying to eat...I am thinking hard about making an appointment with a grief therapist soon.
 I am going to bring awareness about Anencephaly with our story and with that said I hope that I can teach my readers new and old about the importance of Folic Acid. Women who could become pregnant should take 400 mcg (0.4 mg) of folic acid through a vitamin.  Women that have had a baby with a birth defect such as Spina Bifida or Anencephaly need 4000mcg or 4MG a day! If anything, at LEAST taking it a month before getting pregnant will reduce your chances.
No parent should lose their child. No parent should go through what my husband and I are going through right now.
If you or someone you know if pregnant with a baby that has Anencephaly please check out this website and email me at if you want someone to talk to. I have been there. I know how you feel. Thank you for reading!


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