Saturday, August 24, 2013

Today would have been my due date

I miss our sweet daughter more than words can describe. Today, August 24, 2013 was my due date for her. We found out we were due today in December 2012. We were so happy. To have lost her on April 20 this year was the worst day of my life.. next to finding out while she was alive in my womb that my daughter was going to die. We do talk about her often. We cry often as well. How is it fair that these drug addicted screw ups can have healthy babies that they do not care about but my husband and I try for his first baby and she passes away?
We are not bad people. I have my flaws. Jon has his as well. He deserves a child of his own. A child we can raise together in our arms. Her condition was something that I had only heard of once.. When I told our Anencephaly story on getting diagnosed.. I was so distraught. I saw a quote on a blog a few weeks ago.. she took the words out of my mouth with her own story. "Pregnancy is supposed to be a beautiful, feminine experience filled with love. Mine wasn’t. Mine was a messy, broken, and painful tragedy." I did experience great moments.. but I feel robbed because as soon as we found out her condition.. I cried daily. I did not want to get out of bed. NOTHING. I was so envious of people with healthy newborns that I could not enjoy my pregnancy to the fullest. I will tell you something though.. I wouldn't take it back. I would do it over again. 
Even though we only carried for 20 short weeks, I would carry again if it happened again. We met an angel. A real life angel. A perfect but fragile-small and tiny human being. WE created her. A beautiful daughter that we wanted together so bad. 
Aubrey Elizabeth, mommy and daddy love you. We love you so much. I wear your ashes in my necklace close to my heart everyday.. but you already know that don't you? Thank you for showing me the true meaning of life. Thank you for showing me how fragile life is.. how your life can change in a flash and thank you for changing my life with meeting you. 
Until next time..

1 comment:

  1. Oh my heart breaks for you all. You absolutely deserve to raise a child together. You are a strong, beautiful woman who deserves nothing but good. I'm so sorry for your loss. I pray that one day you will have the rainbow through the storm.


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