I cannot wait to see this!!!! What about YOU?
 
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Mother's Day was not what I would have wanted it to be. Nothing is going to bring Aubrey back so I was already down in the dumps about that..my husband woke me with chest pains. I swear that poor man has had it rough. Usually he is the one taking care of me, making sure that *I* am okay. Today it is my turn. We rushed to the ER and they did a EKG. It was abnormal. They admitted him to the hospital so here I sit watching my sweet husband sleep while nurses come in and check on him. They plan to do a stress test on his heart tomorrow.
We never get a break. When will things just be "okay" for once? Who knows. 
If something isn't happening to him, it is happening to me or the both of us at once. I really hope the rest of the year is not as bad as this has been.The emotional heartbreak that recent events has caused us would be enough for one's lifetime.
The financial rut has really sucked as well. But out of respect to my husband I choose not to talk about that on here and I will not go into detail.
I wish we could be normal. I will never know what normal is again after losing Aubrey though..I just have to learn how to deal with my pain in more ways than one. We do not even have enough time to recover from one thing and another happens! =(  My emotions are all over the place..not to mention I am back where our daughter passed away. I hate this place..BUT I will stay by my husbands side.
My birthday is coming up on June 3rd. Hopefully we can do something nice. Maybe the rest of the year will be better..who knows what 2014 is going to bring? It better be a better year than this one, I do know that much.
It would be NICE to get away from here and go to the beach. I have NEVER been to the beach..maybe we can have a honeymoon. We never got one of those when we were married in November 2011. 
Well, I guess that is all for now..


5/14
Jon got to come home today. I know he was only admitted overnight but it was still scary =(  He is FINE but has high blood pressure. They gave him meds for it. His stress test came back NORMAL! That was great news to hear!
My head hurts from crying. It has been a really emotional day.

One Month Already. Wow.

by Bre, 2:55 AM
It has already been one month since we lost our sweet babygirl. ONE MONTH! Where has time gone already? Did I sleep the days away? Countless nights of sobbing myself to sleep while holding her blanket that still smells like her.
I had a breakdown tonight, The doc prescribed me something for the breakdowns and anxiety attacks and THANKFULLY it calmed me a BIT. I got out the box the hospital gave us and got out her things. I enjoy looking at them. 
I can't wait to receive her "birth certificate" in the mail..She may have been stillborn but she was still born and she is still a tiny little person. Reminds me of that quote from Horton Hears A Who. "A person's a person no matter how small"

Aubrey was so tiny. Ah I wish I could share all of her picture but to protect her from cruel people  ( NOT my readers but random people on the internet) that is not going to happen.
Anyways back to her things in her memory box. I kept her cord stump. I dried it out and put it into a small baggie and put it in her box. I also kept the gown she was in and every pregnancy test that I took with her pregnancy. They even gave me a crib card. So sweet!

I kept all of my arm bands from the labor stay as well. I wanted to keep everything from that day. I am sure there are other things that I didn't even list as well. I hope to buy a corner shelf for the living room to make Aubreys memorial area. I am not liking her stuff cluttered on the table beside the couch. =( I want to add more to it. 
Well that is all for now. Thank you for reading.



Today was such a SPECIAL day for my husband and I. We went to the hospital and walked the March Of Dimes walk in honor of our Aubrey! My awesome in laws and my husbands friend Sherry walked with us. It was the first time I had met her and she came out of her way to walk for our Aubrey! The ceremony was great. There was someone that had to kiss the pig as part of a fundraiser and that was pretty neat! The part that was the most emotional was then they had everyone raise their bandannas. We were given three choices- Dark purple for healthy babies- light purple for premature babies and white for angel babies. We chose white at that moment for Aubrey. 
During the ceremony they told everyone to hold them high and look around then explained what they meant. I held my white bandanna and cried my eyes out. Everyone was looking and you can see peoples eyes get all teary eyed. All though I did not have a pic took, I still have a pic of my bandanna. Which I plan to put in Aubreys memory box.
My bandanna with Aubrey's ashes in my pendant.


I am proud to say that we raised a good amount of money for the March Of Dimes. Every penny goes to the babies and to help prevent birth defects, infant death and premature labor. I wanted to say THANK YOU again to all that donated~!!!!
There was a big amount of people walking for their babies and teams walking with eachother.
We were more at the beginning of the line. =] I am so happy that we walked in honor of our sweet Aubrey! This means so much  to Jon and I!
My husband and I at the walk
Walking for Aubrey!!!
My husbands friend Sherry came and drove almost an hour to walk with us! I broke down crying while walking and she held my hand and talked me through it. I feel so honored she came to be with us!
When we crossed the finish balloons my husband held me while I cried some more. I just let it all out. WE DID IT! WE DID IT FOR AUBREY!!!!!
He is so amazing and awesome!
Kisses from the best husband EVER!!!!
 As you can see it was a bittersweet and emotional day for us! We enjoyed every minute of it! All because it was for our sweet babygirl!
My father inlaw, husband, myself and mother inaw
Sherry, myself and husband

This picture is great too because this is my nurse that took care of me at my prenatal visits with Aubrey. She randomly spotted me out and came and gave me a hug and asked me how I was doing. =] I found her after the walk and asked for a picture with her.
My nurse and I
This is the Wall of Wishes at the walk. I thought this was pretty neat. 
Wall of Wishes
No person should ever go through having a child with a birth defect, having a baby that is premature or that has a NICU stay and they should never have to go through losing a child. Walking for Aubrey means so much to us because Aubrey had the birth defect that took her life at 20 weeks. We have been there, we know how this feels. It HURTS. PLEASE PLEASE take your folic acid if you are not preventing pregnancy. This will reduce your chances of a birth defect and will reduce Trisomy/ Anencephaly. If you have been touched by infant loss, please do not hesitate to reach out to me on here or my facebook page. I will be an ear to talk to you and if you are local, I can be a shoulder too!
Thank you for reading about our walk and I will continue to share our story every day! 
- In memory of our sweet princess Aubrey Elizabeth Brown-

3 Weeks Already?

by Bre, 3:07 AM
It has already been three weeks? Three weeks since I said goodbye? It honestly does NOT seem like it has been that long ago! Where has time gone? I wish I could hold her like this again. I cuddled her so long. My sweet Aubrey I miss you so bad. Mommys world. 
Aubrey has changed how I look at things. How I see things and how I think.
She was so tiny and I only got to hold her inside of me for 20 weeks but she made an impact on my life for eternity. I often sit and daydream about the moment I seen her for the first time. I have a picture of her, I was counting her toes. Her daddy took it. I will cherish that forever. I was amazed at how she looked like a tiny micro preemie. So perfect. So little.. All of her toes and fingers. She even had tiny fingernails and BLONDE peach fuzzys on her. That could be because mommy is a natural blonde. I am so glad I chose to carry her after we were told her condition.I only had 9 weeks from the time we found out till the time she was in my arms. 
That blanket her nana bought her that she is wrapped in, I am cuddling with it right now. I folded it so small and I can still smell her. I often put it in her box with the gown she had on, just so it can smell like her when the smell goes away. These are my thoughts for the night. Mommy loves you princess! Always!
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