This month is Aubrey's due date. I should be 37 weeks pregnant right now. Instead, I dust my daughters urn. This time last year, Jon and I were still trying to conceive her. We were unsure that we would ever have a child of our own together.
I have been dreaming about her here lately and it does make me really happy. People have asked me if I would do it all over again.. YES I would. Meeting the sweet baby that I carried inside of me for that short 20 weeks was the best thing that I had ever done. When we were told Aubrey had Anencephaly, we were scared! My doctor tried to push abortion on us but it was not an option for me. There is NO reason to terminate a pregnancy because of a birth defect she could not help happened to her.
Everyone's decisions are different..you do not know what you would do unless it happened to you personally. If this birth defect happened again, yes.. I would carry as long as I could. This experience has made me have a totally new outlook on life! Losing a child is traumatic. I cannot get control of my emotions some days, and some days I am just fine. I find myself crying over the dumbest things and when I am having a bad day, all the pregnant women in the world seem to be around me or newborns in public.
The point about that is, I overcome it. I come home and I cry, or I cry in bed and then it is a new day.
My husband helps me a ton. He comforts me and holds me. There are days that he cries with me. I love him so much. It has been proven that 80% of marriages fail after the loss of a child. I am SO happy that we are one of the 20% that have made it! We do have our bad days, I will not lie..but all couples do have their bad days.. If you tell me you don't, you are a liar. No ones relationship is perfect. Please keep me in your thoughts on August 24th. Thank you for reading!