I am having a bad morning. Tears are rolling right now. All though we are trying to conceive again, it still doesn't change the fact that our daughter is not here. I miss her so much.
The picture you see to the right is our daughter, Aubrey Elizabeth's hand on her daddys finger. So tiny and perfect. Only 20 weeks and so well formed. Her fingernails were even there. So cute! I know that I have some new readers so I wanted to share my story again. I do have a section with everything on my blog. You can read more about it here.
Our sweet Aubrey was stillborn due to Anencephaly and unfortunately it is a fatal birth defect that cannot be cured, fixed or taken back. It could have been caused by many of things but we were told that ours was a 1 in 10,000 case. She was born April 10, 2013 at 8:33 AM cst and was 9 inches and 10 oz. 
As of today, I would have been due in 55 days. Double digits? I really should be packing my hospital bag and preparing her room. Instead, I am holding her ashes. I miss my daughter. I do not wish this on anyone. EVER. I have held it together long enough. I do cry but today is the most I have cried in a few weeks. It comes and goes in waves. I usually wait to let it out when my husband is at work but right now I need him and it is impossible
 I want to hold my princess again. I want to see that sweet face and kiss the button nose. Life throws us hard times but why this? Why ? I ask myself this all the time. No parent or person should have this heartbreak. EVER.  
It frustrates me when I see people complaining about a gender disappointment. For example, I seen a post on Facebook today. A girl was livid she was pregnant with a girl because she wanted a boy. REALLY? There are people like me who's baby died that would give anything to have had her HEALTHY and you are complaining that your HEALTHY baby isn't a gender you wanted? PLEASE anyone that is going to do this- GET OVER YOURSELF. Last time I checked when you have sex and get pregnant it is a 50/50 chance on what you are having. 
Sorry that I got on a little rant today but hopefully people that read this will have an eye opener when it comes to this topic. I also wanted to mention that if you are trying to have a baby , please take your folic acid. It will decrease your odds of this happening to you. 
I made a video awhile back about our situation. I shared this in the past with you all. Please take a few minutes and watch. Grab your tissues.

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  1. I had a son that was stillborn in 06. He would have been 7 this year and I still think about him off and on. It was SO hard for the first year. One friend asked me how you get over it. The truth is, you don't. It gets easier, but it never goes away. There are times that I miss him terribly. There are others that make my heart break, like my 8 year old saying at dinner that if he could visit with any one person from history, he would pick his little brother since he never got to meet him. I too would never wish that pain on anyone and I'm sorry that you had to go through this. :(

    1. Thank you so much! It hurts me I am not alone but comforts me knowing I am not alone too.

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  3. I remember trying for almost 7 years with my ex-husband and seeing all these people either mad about having had gotten pregnant or 'devastated' that they weren't getting the sex that they wanted, and others that were doing all of the incorrect things while being pregnant...while I (sometimes impatiently) waited to just have ANY baby. The worse was seeing how the ex's family acted and treated their kids :(


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